Apparently, everyone knows I’m fat

Me:[dialing local Chinese takeout restaurant]

Restaurant:“Hello, ___________, can I help you?”

Me:“Yes, hello. I would like two orders of chicken wings, and 1 order of crab rangoon, please.”

Restaurant:“That’s a lot of fried food! You don’t need us to give you all that fried food.”

Me:“I did want you to give me all that fried food. But now I don’t need you to give me any food at all.” 

Restaurant:[silence]

Me:[Click]

Screenshot 2019-03-26 13.21.21

Photo courtesy of Modernist Cuisine. Click on photo for bonus recipe for Crispy Chicken Wings, Korean-Style!